week 2

Well i hit my brick wall, so to speak, the other day.  I flat out cried (and sorta laughed too) just from being so let down.  obviously i didn't think i was going to change the world by coming here but it's a little hard to see change and its pretty much impossible to see large scale change.  I started working at the orphanage this week which is definitely different than what i'm used to.  today one of the teachers was sick so they combined classes and there were a good maybe 35 kids in one tiny room with one teacher and me.  no supplies, just a chalk board and some slates and little books for the kids to write in.  I'm helping a class of little ones; around 3-4 but they added in the older kids; probably around 6, so there was just no order in that room.  definitely frustrating.  some of the other girls are doing medical outreach and feel the same way.  they don't feel they can truly help and are doing a lot of observing.  i don't want to make it sound totally negative because it really has been so great being here so far but i've really learned a lot about myself and what i truly want, just within about a week. 

it also smells here by the way.  people pee everywhere and if you're a person who likes to know where their toilet is, this is not the country for you.  the power hasn't gone out too many times, maybe 3 or 4 since i've been here and i came close to not having a shower the other night because the water was out.  if it's out, we have to get a bucket from the tank in the back and take a bucket shower.  i don't want to do that.  i need my showers.  but the smell is a mix of dirt, shit, BO, and diesel fuel exhaust.  not fun.  especially when you're riding in a tro tro or walking back 4 miles from the orphanage....

ok i'm complaining too much huh? it really is great here though.  the girls i live with are so much fun.  we went to a beach sort of near by last weekend and are going on a four day weekend trip to another beach this weekend.  we'll do this dancing lesson thing the week after that, plus i really want to see the castles at cape coast.  i feel like i do a lot in a day and have done a lot of different things just in the past week.  we went to a hospital in Accra last week and i'm going to try to go with the other girls when they do rounds or counseling there.  i want to go to the maternity clinic with one of the girls, even if she feels like she can't do much there, it would still be cool to observe.  they have been talking about going to other orphanages in the area so i'll probably branch out too and try those out.  it's cool that i'll get a lot of opportunities to see things here. 

by now i think i've gotten used to the people just screaming obruni at me.  the kids especially, could see you from a mile away and want to wave at you, just because you're white.  the men kinda hit on us a lot too, i've gotten a lot of looks up and down, and a good couple of marriage proposals.  they just want you for your money though.  really, that's kind of the thing around here; if you're white the people think you're rich even if you have like barely enough money to get through the next semester of school (like me...) things are pretty cheap though, in some places.  you get a bag of water for 5 peswas, which is like 5 cents.  ice cream on the street is 50 peswas, a taxi ride could cost like 1 cedi (like a dollar) depending on where you're going.  we take a taxi or tro tro to work in the morning which is like 30-40 peswas, then walk the 4 miles back.  it's kinda nuts. but good for all the starch i'm eating.  i want cereal sooooooooo bad.

ok well my time is almost up so i'm going to wrap things up but i'll try to write again soon!

Ghana so far

Well I just wanted to update everyone on how things are going so far! I got sorta sick-ish on Tuesday, no puking yet though! The food is definitely something to get used to; I've eaten rice, with no sauce, pasta, with no sauce, more rice with no sauce, rice pudding.... you get the drift.  Today I had a smoothie though; we went to the mall in Accra which was pretty cool.  But before that a group of us went to the leprosy camp which was definitely an experience. I obviously cried after we left because it was just so heartbreaking, a lot of these people had no feet or hands or whatever but still were so positive.  We actually prayed with them which was really cool.  It was just so neat to see how they believed so much in God and were still grateful, even in their condition.  It gives a person a lot of perspective.  When people say that they don't believe in God, I really wish they could experience something like that.  The people still believed and were still amazingly positive through it all.  It's just awesome.

So yes there really are goats and chickens EVERYWHERE especially around our house in Kasoa.  I do have a toilet and a shower but the shower is cold.  I really don't mind the cold after a nasty hot, humid day.  The views are beautiful especially on the way to Accra which is technically about 30 miles from Kasoa but driving takes FOREVER! You can take a taxi but it's more expensive so most people take a tro tro which is like a huge van that fits a ton of people.  The ones to Accra can fit about 23 in there, plus the women will keep the kids strapped on their backs so you could fit in a few kids too.  The women also will put the stuff they want you to buy on their heads and balance it, just like you would think when you think of Africa lol.  I definitely want to try it..and take pictures.  I also want to see if I could strap a baby on my back like they do but I'm scared I'd drop a kid.  Not sure they'd really care around here though...

I am basically nasty though, showering doesn't really help because it's so hot and the room we sleep in is kinda gross.  The bathroom we have is gross-er but there's another one that is somewhat cleaner...I sleep under a mosquito net every night and put on bug spray before going to bed.  I barely wear makeup!!!! Actually, I try to put on a bit of powder just cuz I feel gross without it but I've given up on my staple: eyeliner.  Oh and I went to the beach on Monday, the first time in 24 years that I've seen the ocean, which was pretty cool. 

I'm pretty sure Richard is my savior though.  He's the house-brother, guide, whatever/ my new boyfriend lol.  He takes us around and I'm pretty much dependent on him, actually I think today was the first time I went out with the group and not him (coming here to the internet cafe).  He's awesome. I'm pretty sure I'm going to save up for him to get a motorbike because he's obsessed. Or a plane ticket so he can come see snow lol.  Last night he flat out just thanked God that two of us girls didn't get sick and is so open about being respectful.  It's crazy, Ghanians are pretty friendly and free but in some ways a little shady.  They will call you white (actually there's a word for it but i'm not sure of the spelling off the top of my head). But they'll call you that and ask you how you are.  Or they will call you fat or skinny.  Really they just say what they see, it's not meant to be an insult, just telling it like it is.  I don't mind, it's kind of funny. 

So I think the group is waiting for me, so I've got to run, but I'll update again ASAP!

No matter how long it's been, you always remember.  Someone talks about a movie, or you go to a particular restaurant, you hear a song.  There will always be reminders, no matter how long someone has been gone from your life.  It's been right around 6 years and I still remember Andy putting his number in my phone with the name "love of my life."  I also remember the night he put his hands around my throat in anger.  It's been 2 years since David came up to me to get the dance I asked for at his sister's wedding.  But I also remember his call, telling me he didn't really love me.  It's been a year since my first date with Mike, where we got excited about the things we had in common, even if it was as simple as drinks that we both liked.  Remembering his words, that I created the monster he became in our dysfunctional relationship, still hurts me now.

But I will never stop believing in love.

Last week I finished a paper on love for my intro to theology class, a topic I picked to understand something I knew all along.  I've loved, basically my entire life, with the agape I wrote about, unselfish, benevolent love with no strings.  Most of the time it gets me in trouble; people probably think it's naive but I'm pretty sure I'm better off for it.  I might cry (more than the average person!) and get upset for a while, spending time by myself, letting myself listen to all the songs I shouldn't.  But I never, ever regret a second of time I spend with another person in which I gave them everything I could.  I've been given a gift.  And closing myself off and keeping myself from the potential to have something great is like keeping that gift locked away.  Yes, things have turned out difficult and hard, and yes, I still get upset or sad when I think about time I spent with people, but that pain is nothing compared to how great it feels when you truly care for another person.  It's the risk you take.  And I'm going to keep on taking it.